In her book Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You Susan Forward, Ph.D. unpacks the complex dynamics involved in manipulative relationships, broken down into the easily remembered acronym FOG. Although the book focuses largely on intimate relationships within the family unit, the tactics she describes are very common in spiritually abusive environments. From the back cover of the book:
"If you really loved me..."
"After all I've done for you..."
"How can you be so selfish..."
Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.
Listen below as Dr. Forward teaches us how to defeat emotional blackmail and manipulation.